Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
