Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
