Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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