We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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