Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
