This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
