Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Green mimosas i think yes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
