Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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