I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
