woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
