Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
