I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
