I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
