When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
