He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
