I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
