I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
