my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this hospital has no fireball
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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