look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
