Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
