he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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