Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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