I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
