Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
