whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
