and you said cock pushups were impossible
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
