i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
