am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
