Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
