He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
