Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
