i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
