Got a toothbrush?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
