There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
