you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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