she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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