Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
