My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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