was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
