ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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