remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
