Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
