i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
