I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
