My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
