I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
