Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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