lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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