Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
