Jerry, you need to find god
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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